As I navigated the first few days of 2025, I stumbled upon a heartfelt social media post titled “Fear of Parents’ Old Age”, that struck a chord, reminding me of the experience with our own parents. I guess one could say I’m feeling a little wiser (if not older, as my children love to tease me 😅)!
Although the context is slightly different – an urban or modern vs village setting – every word in the post still struck a chord with me, particularly the importance of making adjustments to care for aging parents, regardless of the challenges posed by limited resources.
I often reflect on the struggles faced by families back in Papua New Guinea, mainly our villages, as they care for aging loved ones. Having faced similar challenges within my own family, I’m acutely aware of the difficulties. The lack of access to quality healthcare services only compounds the issue, leaving me to ponder the likelihood of introducing professional services that may be out of reach for many due to cost constraints.
These concerns circle back to the fundamental & universal challenge faced by many families: providing care and support for their ageing loved ones.
In Australia, we’re fortunate to have an Aged Care system in place. Still, it’s a personal decision: should we care for our elderly at home or seek professional care from those who specialize in supporting the aging population? I encourage you to read the extract below or explore the full post on social media.
⚜ Fear of Your Parents’ Old Age ⚜
“There is a break in the family history, where the ages accumulate and overlap, and the natural order makes no sense: it’s when the child becomes the parent of their parent.”
It’s when the father grows older and begins to move as if he were walking through fog. Slowly, slowly, imprecisely.
It’s when one of the parents who once held your hand firmly when you were little no longer wants to be alone.
It’s when the father, once strong and unbeatable, weakens and takes two breaths before rising from his seat.
It’s when the father, who once commanded and ordered, now only sighs, only groans, and searches for where the door and window are—every hallway now feels distant.
It’s when one of the parents, once willing and hardworking, struggles to dress themselves and forgets to take their medication.
And we, as their children, will do nothing but accept that we are responsible for that life. The life that gave birth to us depends on our life, to die in peace.Every child is the parent of their parent’s death. Perhaps the old age of a father or mother is, curiously, the final pregnancy.
Our last lesson. An opportunity to return the care and love they gave us for decades.And just as we adapted our homes to care for our babies, blocking power outlets and setting up playpens, we will now rearrange the furniture for our parents.
The first transformation happens in the bathroom. We will be the parents of our parents, the ones who now install a grab bar in the shower. The grab bar is emblematic. The grab bar is symbolic. The grab bar inaugurates the “unsteadiness of the waters.”
Because the shower, simple and refreshing, now becomes a storm for the old feet of our protectors.
We cannot leave them for even a moment.The home of someone who cares for their parents will have grab bars along the walls. And our arms will extend in the form of railings.
Aging is walking while holding onto objects; aging is even climbing stairs without steps. We will be strangers in our own homes. We will observe every detail with fear and unfamiliarity, with doubt and concern.
We will be architects, designers, frustrated engineers. How did we not foresee that our parents would get sick and need us?
We will regret the sofas, the statues, and the spiral staircase. We will regret all the obstacles and the carpet!Happy is the child who becomes the parent of their parent before their death, …
~ ctto: taken from social media ~
I hope you enjoyed reading that. While I share the author’s sentiments, I recognize that every family’s experience is unique and the dynamics varied! One size doesn’t fit all, when it comes to family .
My intention is to spark meaningful conversations within families, fostering a deeper understanding of these important issues and preparing future generations for the opportunities and challenges that lie ahead.
Unfortunately, there are also families where aging parents have outlived their children, resulting in them caring for grandchildren. This unexpected role reversal poses significant challenges and emotional burdens. Either way, these are complex situations that require compassion, understanding, and support.
Truthfully, I don’t pretend to have all the answers. Instead, I look to the Bible’s teachings on family, recognizing that its wisdom is timeless and universal. I would like to encourage reading God’s word and praying for the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and guidance as we navigate the intricacies of family life.
Exodus 20:12 NIV
[12] “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Our parents, now at peace, both surpassed 70 years of age. However, their later years were marked by poor health and pain. Dad received devoted care from our mother until his passing, a challenging yet loving endeavor that required immense patience – a virtue our mother possessed, but we, their children, often lacked.
In retrospect, I’ve come to realize that our father’s outbursts and irritability were largely symptoms of his illness, rather than his true nature. In contrast, our mother’s decline was primarily due to dementia, which brought its own distinct challenges, including repetitive requests (for food, prayers, bible reading, bathroom runs etc) and dependence on others for daily needs.
We are deeply grateful for the unwavering support and care provided by our youngest brother and his family to our mother in her final years. His wife, in particular, demonstrated remarkable compassion and dedication: their commitment to caring for mum was all the more impressive given the additional responsibilities they carried in caring for their disabled son who needed full-time care as well . We are also thankful to so many others who lent a helping hand to our brother & his family during that time.
Proverbs 1:8-9 NIV
[8] Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. [9] They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.
Ephesians 6:1-3 NIV
[1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. [2] “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— [3] “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
A prayer for the aging population 🙏
Dear Heavenly Father,
We lift up our aging population to You, asking for Your loving care and guidance. As they navigate the challenges of growing older, we pray that You would grant them:
• Strength and resilience in the face of physical limitations;
• Peace and comfort in times of uncertainty and fear;
• Wisdom and discernment in making decisions about their care; and
• Joy and fulfilment in their relationships with loved ones.
We ask that You would provide for their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Give them access to quality care, compassionate support, and loving community.
As we care for our aging population, we pray for Your guidance and wisdom. Help us to navigate the complexities of caregiving with patience, understanding, and love.
May our aging population feel seen, heard, and valued. May they know that they are loved, not just by us, but by You.
In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.
Isaiah 46:4 NIV
Even to your old age and grey hairs, I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you, and I will carry you; I will sustain you, and I will rescue you.
Here’s a prayer for those who commit their lives to caring for the aging population: family members, volunteers, professionals, health workers and many more:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We lift up to You all those who care for the aged population, including families, professional caregivers, volunteers, and healthcare workers.
Grant them compassion, patience, and understanding as they provide physical, emotional, and spiritual support.
Bless them with strength, endurance, and resilience in the face of challenges and difficulties.
Guide them in their work, that they may provide high-quality care with kindness, dignity, and respect.
May their efforts be a reflection of Your love and care for our elderly brothers and sisters.
We pray for the families who care for their loved ones, often sacrificing their own needs and desires.
Comfort them in their times of sorrow, frustration, and exhaustion.
Provide them with resources, support, and respite when needed.
We pray for the professional caregivers, who dedicate their lives to serving others.
Bless them with wisdom, skill, and knowledge to provide excellent care.
Protect them from burnout, compassion fatigue, and physical harm.
We pray for the volunteers, who selflessly give their time and energy.
Thank You for their willingness to serve and support.
Bless them with joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose.
In Jesus name, Amen 🙏
Galatians 5:13 NIV
Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people.
To God be the glory always ❤️🙏
Idau Hahine 